18 December 2006

Ode to Our Best Friend


My boyfriends sister's dog just died and she's totally broken up about it. I feel bad for her. I have a little Maltese myself and I love my little dog - I call her Puppy - and I didn't realise the impact she has had on my life until little Winston died. Now I am thinking that if she were to leave me now, I'd probably crack too!! She's always there waiting for me when I open the door when I get home and lord knows I LOVE laying on the couch watching movies because she always perches herself next to me and curls up and sleeps there and we are all lovey and sweet with each other. I love when she gets excited and she jumps up on her hind legs and dances for me, as if she were trained in the circus. And she licks my face all the time (I love that). She has this beautiful white hair-fur that gets tangled in knots ALL THE TIME. She has the most beautiful brown eyes that seem to say anything she needs me to know without speaking any words. And when we go out, she hangs on me like she were my shadow. Normally I think it's kind of bizarre (especially since she is the first dog I've ever had - I'm a cat girl, and have one with Puppy) but now I am used to it and love her for loving me. It's really true what they say - a dog loves you like no person loves you. Theya re loyal to the very end and they are so giving of themselves, so happy to be around you, so cheerful and sweet. I am so happy with my little Pup that she might as well be my own child. Yes, this is an ode to the dog, the sweetest little gift that God and Mother Nature could have given us.

12 December 2006

A Call to Arms

"Something In the Air" lyrics by Thunderclap Newman

Call out the instigators
Because there's something in the air
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right

We have got to get it together
We have got to get it together now

Lock up the streets and houses
Because there's something in the air
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right

We have got to get it together
We have got to get it together now

Hand out the arms and ammo
We're going to blast our way through here
We've got to get together sooner or later
Because the revolution's here, and you know it's right
And you know that it's right

We have got to get it together
We have got to get it together
Now

I can't help but to have this song running through my head as an anthem for those that feel that we are rapidly devolving into a world bent on destroying itself. In the wake of the conference held in Iran which has "debated" if the Holocaust really happened, I find myself so utterly shocked, so utterly dejected, that the only thing I can think that can happen is for the good folks of this world, regardless of sex, age, religion or political affiliation who are so TIRED of this shit should rise up together and put an END to bullshit like this. An END. I can't even believe that someone lent them the space to hold this meeting, someone cooked food for these scathing racists to eat, made the drinks or printed the invitations. Just exactly what is this world coming to? Because I don't see any kind of humanity or camaraderie between anyone anymore. There is no justice, no freedom, no amity... things that people SAY they are fighting for, but it never seems to happen on any kind of viable scale. We are not moving toward the future, we are ending right back into something reminiscent of the Crusades. Except EVERYONE'S involved now. I mean, even the Vatican denounced this conference. Germany its self said this is bullshit - GERMANY!!! The very people who perpetrated said crime. I feel it's time for those of us who feel that the people who are running our countries are completely out of control need to take back our lives, take back our sanity - we need a global revolution against the real tyranny: political agenda.

07 December 2006

Is There A God For Money?


If so, I need to pray, burn offerings, find a willing sacrifice, start a holy war - SOMETHING in order to get my funds going. Pump 'em up. Bling out my wallet!! AHHHHHH!! I'm broke dammit, I'm BROKE!! And the holidays are coming up. So now we enter the time of year in which you get even more broke. I don't really have credit card debt so I can't say that I'm going deeper into debt - so that's something.... But not much. I mean, I have a job and no debt so why am I still broke? WHY? It's like there is a systematic conspiracy in society to keep the unrich UNRICH. Damn. I don't have to be rich but do I have to starve? WTF?!?! That just means that the money is disproportionately going to the greedy, godless, backstabbing, scheming, lying, hurtful, evil rich. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that all rich people are evil, but a good portion of them are. The ones that are CEO's and high level executives. Yeah, I don't trust them as far as I can throw them. They'd easily slit their own child's throat if they could make a dollar on it. Hell politicians, lobbyists, corporate lawyers and most plastic surgeons are not out of the realm of malevolent money whores. And I am not trying to hate on rich folks either. I just see how they have enough but want to take it ALL and that's not right. While people in India, Africa, South America and even here in the United States just have nothing!! And those of us that don't have much are also made to feel like we have to give to those less fortunate but what about the fat bastard in the nice suit with the gold watch driving a fancy car? What about him? A fancy watch could help a whole poor family here in the US!! And fat bastards usually have three or four gold watches!! Yeah, they just laugh at us all moving around the few dollars we have between us. And they hoard the bulk of it. God, the audacity of executives who steal pensions from employees - in essence what that says is that they think that everyone is supposed to work for them for free!! Like we were put on this earth to make them mega-rich and we are just pee-on's not worthy of even a decent life after working ourselves to death. The unmitigated GAUL of those fuckers. These are the things I think of this time of year.....

06 December 2006

All the Signs of Pregnancy Except One: A Baby


Taken from the Science Times (New York Times) by ELIZABETH SVOBODA, 5 December 2006

Dr. John Radebaugh still vividly remembers his first professional comeuppance.

In the mid-1960s, Dr. Radebaugh, a young pediatrician, volunteered at a clinic for migrant farmworkers in Rochester, and one evening he got a call that a woman was in labor.

When he arrived at the scene, he found the woman with a melon-size stomach, groaning and writhing in pain.

“From the condition she was in, we thought she was going to deliver right then and there,” he recalled.

Dr. Radebaugh and the clinic workers who came with him decided to forgo a pelvic exam and drive the patient to a hospital emergency room posthaste. As he helped the woman into a wheelchair at the hospital, her water seemed to break, drenching him in clear fluid.

But when he called the hospital the next day to check on the patient’s progress, Dr. Radebaugh got an unexpected answer.

“Oh, she isn’t here,” the attending doctor told him. “She was discharged last night.”

“Last night? How is that possible?” he asked.

“She wasn’t in labor at all; she just had a full bladder. It’s a case of pseudocyesis,” the doctor replied, leaving a chastened Dr. Radebaugh to look up the diagnosis.

Despite Dr. Radebaugh’s embarrassment, his unfamiliarity with the woman’s condition was hardly surprising. Pseudocyesis, or false pregnancy, is rare, occurring at a rate of 1 to 6 for every 22,000 births. Though scientists are still largely baffled about what causes it in humans, recent case studies and studies of similar conditions in animals are beginning to provide insight, exploring the role of hormones and psychology.

Those who suffer from the disorder present a constellation of symptoms that mystify even seasoned practitioners. Not only do they fervently believe they are pregnant, but they also have bona fide symptoms to back up their claims, like cessation of menstruation, abdominal enlargement, nausea and vomiting, breast enlargement and food cravings.

A few patients with pseudocyesis even test positive on pregnancy tests, said Dr. Paul Paulman, a family practitioner at the University of Nebraska Medical Center.

“Every sign and symptom of pregnancy has been recorded in these patients except for three: You don’t hear heart tones from the fetus, you don’t see the fetus on ultrasound, and you don’t get a delivery,” Dr. Paulman said.

Though the disorder is unusual, cases of false pregnancy have been reported in human societies since ancient times, providing evidence that the phenomenon is not bound by time or culture. In 300 B.C., Hippocrates described 12 women who “believed they were pregnant,” and Mary Tudor, the English queen, is widely believed to have suffered from pseudocyesis. (Some commentators say the violent acts that gave her the nickname Bloody Mary were reactions to finding out she was not carrying an heir after all.)

For hundreds of years, pseudocyesis has largely been the domain of psychiatrists, spawning many psychological theories about the origins of the condition. According to Sigmund Freud’s memoirs, his most famous patient, “Anna O,” believed she was pregnant with the child of her previous psychoanalyst, Josef Breuer. Freud attributed this development to what he called transference, or the strong attachment patients form with their psychoanalysts — a concept that would later form the cornerstone of Freudian theory.

Other psychiatrists have suggested that pseudocyesis occurs in patients who desperately want to become pregnant — or who have a strong desire to be involved in a family member’s pregnancy experience. In a recent issue of the journal Psychosomatics, Dr. Biju Basil, a psychiatrist at Drexel University, reported a case of a woman who went through false delivery at the same time her son’s girlfriend was giving birth.

“She started having labor pains. She had been pregnant before, and she said they felt exactly the same,” Dr. Basil said. “She even gave a ‘final push’ the way she had when she delivered her own children.”

Dr. Basil speculated that the woman’s condition arose from a deep-rooted desire to participate more fully in the birth of her first grandchild.

“Since she was not very appreciative of her son’s girlfriend, she was never welcome in their house,” he said. “She wanted to play a more active part in this new life that was coming into the world.”

Still, for all the theories about false pregnancy’s origins in the subconscious, biological studies suggest it may be in part hormonally mediated as well. Because of the small number of people who have the disorder, no large-scale studies have been conducted to establish a typical hormonal profile of pseudocyesis patients. But case studies at the University of Michigan and elsewhere indicate that many patients have elevated levels of hormones like estrogen and prolactin — compounds that can cause physical symptoms like abdominal swelling and milk excretion, as well as psychological ones like wanting to bond with a baby.

This raises the possibility that pseudocyesis is the result of a delicate mind-body feedback loop: an initial emotional state induces abnormal hormone secretion, which in turn has its own physical and psychological effects. According to Dr. Mary Erskine, a biologist at Boston University who studies the neurology of reproductive systems, anxiety may be one emotional state that helps set this feedback loop in motion.

“Stress can really influence the regularity of an ovarian cycle,” Dr. Erskine said.

In dogs — a species with much higher rates of false pregnancy than humans — the disorder has been traced to high levels of certain reproductive hormones, in particular prolactin. Unlike humans, dogs have a long late phase of their ovarian cycle during which an ovarian structure called the corpus luteum produces large amounts of progesterone.

If the dog does not become pregnant, the corpus luteum wears out slowly, over a period of up to 70 days. The consequent drop in progesterone levels causes high levels of prolactin secretion, giving rise to milk production, an enlarged abdomen and a host of misdirected mothering behaviors.

“We get dogs that start guarding their stuffed animals and acting like they’re their babies,” said Dr. Chris Cauble, a veterinarian in Glendale, Calif., who regularly treats dogs with pseudocyesis. “It’s amazing how powerful these hormones are and the emotional effects they can have.”

The quickest way to treat false pregnancy in dogs, he added, is to give them shots of another hormone like testosterone, which quickly brings prolactin levels back into the normal range and stops the associated symptoms.

Because study subjects are in such short supply, Dr. Paulman is not optimistic that human pseudocyesis will ever be completely scientifically understood. Still, he hopes that continued study of individual cases will produce a clearer portrait of how the brain can send the endocrine glands into such a frenzy that a woman who is not pregnant can appear to be in screaming labor.

“The pituitary gland is located right at the base of the brain, and that’s where all the hormones come from” in pregnancy, he said. “This is one of the classic examples in medicine of how the mind affects the rest of the body.”

05 December 2006

Draining the Gene Pool


By Lisa M. Hamilton, from The Nation, 4 December 2006

In the summer of 2000, an ill wind blew onto David Vetter's 280-acre farm in Marquette, Nebraska. The farm had been organic since the 1950s, and Vetter had been breeding his own corn seed in the field using traditional techniques. The idea was to protect his independence as he watched the seed industry rapidly consolidating into the hands of Monsanto and a few other "gene giants." Then, in 2000, his seed tested positive for genetically modified organisms (GMOs). "They killed us," he says. "Ten years of work was gone just like that."

In 2005 genetically engineered (GE) seed was planted on 52 percent of US corn acreage. However, thanks to wind-borne pollen and other contamination, the agricultural community now commonly accepts that no American corn is 100 percent free of GE material--not even if it's certified organic.

The good news is that plant breeders might have a solution. It lies in a group of naturally occurring corn genes called GaS, which is bred into corn varieties using standard hybridization. With GaS, a plant will reject all pollen that doesn't also have those genes. It could be a miraculous biological fence to keep out those privately owned GE genes. There's just one hitch: It, too, is now privately owned.

As of April 2005, Hoegemeyer Hybrids, of Hooper, Nebraska, holds a patent for the use of GaS in hybrids and inbred lines of yellow dent corn--the kind that covers one-quarter of American farmland and anchors our entire agricultural economy. The company's GaS seed, dubbed PuraMaize, is slated for US release in 2008 and has patents pending around the world.

Such patents have lately become a frustrating fact of life in the plant-breeding community, but what really stings about this one is that it probably shouldn't have been issued. Researchers have known and written about GaS since the 1940s. It has been used in white and yellow corns, and employed in countless popcorn varieties to protect them from crossing with nearby field and sweet corns--to protect their "pop." As one researcher put it, "I'd love to hear someone explain how Hoegemeyer's use qualifies as new."

Among those left frustrated is Margaret Smith, a professor and plant breeder at Cornell University. In 2002 Smith began breeding GaS into corn varieties in response to pleas from local organic growers for protection against pollen drift. As a public breeder, Smith's job is to find out what farmers need, and try to provide it. But because of the patent, anyone who wants to use her GaS variety will need to comply with whatever licensing fees and royalties Hoegemeyer Hybrids requires.

As a result, smaller farmers like Vetter may find that PuraMaize is out of their reach. The university researchers and seed companies that smaller farmers rely on often have neither the staff to negotiate licensing agreements nor the money to pay them. The companies with the means to use the technology would tack the added costs onto the price of the seed, and possibly require a large minimum purchase, both of which could make it too expensive for Vetter. Or companies could simply decide that, for any number of reasons, producing seed that works for Vetter's region is not profitable enough--so Vetter wouldn't even be given the chance to buy it.

The sad thing is that Hoegemeyer Hybrids is, in some ways, also one of the "little guys." It was founded in 1937 and has always been a family-owned business. After a recent spate of corporate acquisitions, it is also the last remaining small seed company in Nebraska. Indeed, Hoegemeyer sought the patent on GaS partly as a strategic move to preserve its independence. "We're not looking to make a zillion dollars off of this or to exclude other people from the marketplace," chief technology officer Tom Hoegemeyer said. "We just want to be able to participate in the industry for the long term."

Despite good intentions, in this age of consolidation it's likely that Hoegemeyer Hybrids and its patent will be bought out too. The company already has a formal partnership with Syngenta, the very corporation that acquired Hoegemeyer's seed-company neighbors. This Swiss company is the world's largest agrichemical manufacturer and one of the top four seed producers. Through the partnership with Hoegemeyer, Syngenta had a hand in developing PuraMaize, and in January William Olson, a former sales development manager with Syngenta, came on as PuraMaize development manager. Some think it's only a matter of time before the absorption is complete.

In such a gene giant's hands, the GaS patent could be applied the same way that patents on GMOs are now. To use GE seed, farmers sign contracts that prohibit seed-saving and allow the corporation to monitor the crops in farmers' fields for violations indefinitely, even if the farmer stops buying the seed. (The legal departments that enforce this are, of course, amply funded and staffed.) Given that GaS could be critical for organic growers, some researchers fear that such ownership of the patent would mean even greater corporate control over organics. And that's all if the gene stays in use. Given that pollen drift has spread GMOs like a nefarious Johnny Appleseed, it could be in biotech's interest to shelve the GaS shield.

The exact future of GaS remains to be seen. But the potential consequences point to a deeper problem in twenty-first-century plant breeding, rooted in the patent system. Before 1980 plant breeding was governed by the Plant Variety Protection Act (PVPA). This law allowed breeders to own the plant varieties they created but kept the raw genetic materials in the public domain. When in Diamond v. Chakrabarty the Supreme Court ruled that it was legal to patent genes, the rules changed. If PVPA protection acted like a copyright on a book, the gene patents meant ownership of individual words. In order to write today, one must have the money to buy the words.

It follows that those who end up controlling plant breeding guide their decisions by profitability, not what is best for the farmers or the public they serve. "This system offers ways for people to make money quickly but provides no public good," Vetter says. "So far as I can tell, the only ones that are served are the holders of the patents." Meanwhile, those without the money must try to write solutions using an increasingly limited vocabulary. This is why the GaS patent is such a slap in the face: Farmers and publicly funded breeders such as Smith have been largely shut out of the process by which agriculture's decisions are made. Those tools still in the public domain are crucial to their work; with Hoegemeyer's patent, another one is lost. "We as a society don't seem to have a venue for deciding if this is a good thing," Smith says. "We seem to think that if the market will support it, it must be OK. But I, for one, don't necessarily agree with that."

04 December 2006

It Gives You Wings!!!


So, if you read my previous post about not getting dunk anymore, I have been true to my word and have not overdone it since that promise. However, I have gone back on another promise I had made to myself months and months ago - to give up caffeine. It started out at the behest of a previous employer: he didn't like the fact that I shot down two Red Bulls before my shift and he swore that I looked jittery. I am just naturally hyper, but I digress. So I swore off caffeine not really because of my boss, but to see if I could really do it. In fact, I knew I COULD do it, but how long was more the question. So I remained caffeine free for months. I must note that when I quit the caffeine cold turkey, I got headaches and pretty moody for a little while. But I noticed that I fell asleep faster and stayed asleep with better deep sleep. I was psyched. I hadn't realised just how addicted to caffeine I was and what kind of physical and psychological effects it had on me. But lo, my boyfriend had these little packets of Dunkin' Donuts coffee sitting on the microwave. They were staring at me. I told them to stop, but you know how they don't listen. So I had to do what I could to get them to leave me alone. I made them. Yesterday morning and this morning. Now, as I polished off a large pizza with my beau yesterday, I felt no effects of the caffeine. But this morning, having only a bagel and egg, I had a large cup. And the horses left the gate. My head has been buzzing, I feel like shit and I have this strange compulsion to DO something, but exactly what it is, I don't know. I love how Red Bull has coined the phrase 'It gives you wings!!' and the little animation shows people floating off into the sky with angel wings on their backs, having a jolt of caffeine. Hardly. It's more like wings of a turbine diesel jet engine rocketing you into hyperspace, only to hit the proverbial wall in a couple of hours, and your head feels like you literally have hit a wall. Remember that scene in Total Recall when Arnold and the heroine fall out into the area outside the building where the air was regulated by machines and they couldn't breathe in the vaccuum and their eyes were popping out of their heads? That's a walk in the park compared to how I feel right now. This is like coming full circle for me, in my foray into the dark underworld of caffeine. In fact, my boyfriend has developed an allergy to caffeine because he took large quantities of it in college and he's hyper sensitive to it now. He has a ridiculous high off of it and a severe crash. Believe me, it ain't pretty. Now this leads me to ask how this stuff can be easily consumed in such large quantities? My GOD think of children getting high off of it - and in fact when they do, we just pump them full of more drugs to slow them down, namely Ritalin. Nobody seems to identify the fact that increased hyperactivity in children today just MIGHT be linked to the massive amounts of sugar and caffeine in the foods they eat. Gee, I guess the obesity has nothing to do with the sugar either. And rather than pull the spoonfuls of sugar out of their mouths, we listen to (gasp) medical "authorities" that tell us they have ADD so they sell us a pill to make it all better. But I'm going off on a tangent. My point is that caffeine in large doses (namely the doses companies put in foods and drinks) is deadly, but the people selling it don't want you to know that. Kinda like the tobacco industry. Except with caffeine, you rot in a more subtle way, so it's easy to sell the lie.

Now I have to work on my salt intake.....

01 December 2006

WEEEELLLL It Fiiiiiiinally Happened


You know, having lived in New York city my whole life, I have had to grapple with the presence of crack running rampant through neighborhoods in all five boroughs. I remember in the 80's (as a kid) being able to literally count crack vials on any given street when I was walking to my destination. I would even kind of stop sometimes and wonder, staring at vials, exactly who the person was that emptied that vial. Who was hooked on the stuff? Why did they have to smoke it on the street, couldn't they just go home and sit in their room or go on the roof? How far along into their addiction was this person? Sometimes I would also try to envision the dealer who put the vial together and sold it to the hapless addict. I remember in health education my teacher, Mrs. Skurnick, who would come every Tuesday and preach the evils of cocaine and particularly crack. She scared the bejesus out of me with tales of addiction and drug related health problems. I knew from that time on, that crack was a deadly poison, it was in our neighborhoods and it was sad. But I lived with the notion and got on with my life.

But today, watching the news, I was freaked out all over again when NY1 broke the story of police busting a meth lab here in New York City, in a Manhattan high rise. They then pointed out that lab was connected to another two in Queens, one in Brooklyn and one in the Bronx. I mean, METH!! Until now, the news had reported it as a problem that was rampant in rural and suburban areas of the country, but I was aware that it was spreading at an alarming rate. I know that they need these labs in order to make the drugs, and that the labs themselves were very dangerous in that they produce caustic chemicals and meth producers have been seriously hurt in lab explosions. Oh boy. So there goes my notion that you need a wide open, relatively private space in order to produce meth. It's like reliving the crack epidemic at age 8 all over again. I am saddened and to be honest, scared.

30 November 2006

I Just Need To Close My Eyes For a Second


I have realised the value of a nap the older I get. Right now it's almost five in the afternoon and I can think of nothing but sleep. I have tried drinking coffee, eating sugary candy, a piece of chocolate cake - to no avail!! I just want to crawl under my desk like George Kostanza and sleep. Then I'd wake up and be three times as productive, instead of going home and passing out at 6 only to wake up at 11 and stay up for a few hours and then ruin my life for the next work day. And being that it's fall slash winter, FORGET about my even being able to get up before the last humanly possible second before it's official that I will arrive late to work. It's like I really AM a bear - I want to stay in my house wrapped up in a fur comforter, with wool socks, fleece pj's and even a fleece sleeping cap, be all wrapped up in my bed and barely watch the sun rise and set as I sleep my way back into spring. What is it about getting older that you want to sleep more? Is it a signal that your body is just damn tired and it's like "Fuck it, I'm going to bed."? Or is it with age you are slowly but surely shutting down, more and more frequently until the final dirt nap? Whatever the case may be, I LIKE to sleep and life keeps getting in the way!!

29 November 2006

Oh How I Long For the Old Days....


"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them"
John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"One has a stronger hand when there's more people playing your same cards"
George W. Bush

28 November 2006

Back From Outer Space

Oh so here I am, back from engorging myself this weekend, stuffed with turkey and disdain. Police Commissioner Kelly should be fired. He's a nazi, plain and simple. The three police officers that shot and killed the young man who was at his bachelor party and ran into their police cruiser should be tried for murder. I can't even believe they are on paid leave. Every drug company lobbyist shousld be strung up by their balls, fired from their jobs, lose their pensions, stripped of all assets, then try to get some medicine through Medicaid/Medicare. Perhaps then they may see the folly of their ways. Our troops need to make a stop over in Russia and find the fuckers who poisoned the formenr spy Alexander Litvenenko (who just died) and also who murdered the outspoken reporter Anna Politkovskaya this year. Those two are victims of terrorism too.

I found it hard to be thankful for much this year, the problems of the world weighing heavy on my mind. I can't turn a blind eye to these things, thankful for such shallow effects as electronics or clothes or a shopping spree. I wish the people of this rich country would put as much effort into helping others as they do coveting usless material items. How sad the sheep run into the store to buy a stupid PS3, while children in our OWN country ar being abused to death. Look how they smile for the camera in packed malls when people are dying of AIDS in Africa at an alarming rate. They stare at themselves in mirrors while the earth heats up, warmer and warmer...

The saddest thing I find is that people, especially children, are TAUGHT not to care about others. It is blatantly apparent in movies, television shows and commercials. "Get your own" is the most popular buzz phrase in advertising right now. I don't find it comical that kids even keep the rabbit from getting some Trix. That's what they see in the middle of their cartoons - keep someone else out of your group, out of your realm. Have someting that someone else covets.

Movies and magazines are always about rich folks that have all these nice shiny belongings and we are supposed to drool all over their possessions and dream about how we will get them. I find it all to be a distraction. A conspiracy to distract us from what's really going on - the fact that we are kept in the dark about pretty much everything but we are too mired in materialism and self-loathing to notice. Ironically, people don't like to be told what to do, but they are told on a constant basis how to live their lives by faceless organizations whose very purpose, whose very existence is to keep the wool pulled over our eyes. The conspiracy is real.

Words from your loveable conspiracy theorist. Happy Thanksgiving.

21 November 2006

Michael Richards


So I am sure you have heard by now the racist tirade Michael Richards went on in his stand up act in Laugh Factory out in Hollywood. And it pains me to have to turn around a let a once beloved actor out of my heart, especially on the level that he took it to. It's even harder to listen to other people try to defend his actions, mistakenly associating him with his character on Seinfeld with the real man. I am even arguing with my boyfriend who says that he said those words to try to get at the hecklers. Really? Anyone who knows stand up comedy in the least knows that hecklers are a part of the package. That's comedy 101. How the person handles the hecklers is what makes or breaks him. And obviously Michael Richards let it break him. Not only did he handle his hecklers in such a disgusting manner, he let them heckle him into damning his future for doing ANYTHING else. That's a damn good heckler if you ask me. And even the media tries to downplay it by saying that he flew into a rage. Really? Just like drinking can turn you into an anti-Semite, right Mel? There was a woman here at work today that said these words that summed it up perfectly: What's in the well comes up with the bucket. And that is dead on. If you have actually seen the footage, you'd see that his answer to black hecklers is to hang them from a tree (i.e. lynch them) and stick a fork in their asses. What about his fellow Jewish hecklers? Should they be put in gas chambers? Or how about Chinese hecklers? Set on fire? Eastern Europeans impaled? Western Europeans tortured and left to die in towers? C'mon Michael, that is a bit excessive for a heckler isn't it? It really hurts me that the media is trying to play it down, like there is a viable excuse for one to spew racial epithets at anyone. On the flip side, I am very impressed with the way the man in the audience handled the situation. Yes, he cussed and yelled back, just as anyone in anger would, but he walked out and let Michael know it "was uncalled for". And I think the rest of the audience agreed. Michael could have sworn up and down at the guy for talking during his routine, but going straight for the racial angle is just pathetic nowadays, or at least in my opinion. For someone who is supposed to be quick witted and funny, or at least have a repertoire of comebacks, he went for the easiest way to get back at his heckler, rather than being more creative and insulting him in some other way. Goes to show how funny he really is. Which is not at all.

20 November 2006

PS....


I've actually now had to double up on my B complex, to keep from FREAKING OUT over the bullshit... Anybody got any Xanex, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Morphine patch....

What the Hell is Wrong with Everyone Else?!?!


Did you hear that the FDA has now approved silicone breast implants? Are they fucking CRAZY? Do they NOT remember what happened when the silicone bags leaked on women in the past? Hello, Jenny Jones, get back on TV and start preachin'. Has it really come down to this? Women are now willing to toxify themselves so some idiot scumbag can ogle her breasts? All the while watching the interview of OJ I'm-a-bigger-jackass-than-Dick-Cheney Simpson, promoting his new book called "If I Did It", or some shit like that. IF, OJ? You should really call it "When I Did It". What does the Brown family have to say? Or have they lost their voices, gone hoarse from all the talking before? What the FUCK has happened to this country? I am almost (and I mean ALMOST) seeing why the conservative Christian movement has a leg to stand on. Goddamn. If only they would let gays live their lives and be pro-choice, I'd actually consider their argument. And then I heard the news today that some dude cracked his head OPEN during a bum rush to get the new PS3, which has so far gotten crappy reviews!! Far be it from me to say that the man deserved to bleed all over the place and get stitches in his head, but in some cosmic way, he almost deserved it. I can't believe that people are willing to camp out for days to get a game system instead of using that time to do something useful or productive. OUR KIDS CAN'T READ and we are a nation of lazy, silicone pumped, shallow, false idolatry worshipping fools. FOOLS!! I'm not religious at all but this same kind of shit was going on when the big flood came.....

Update - I just read on the web both OJ's book and interview are cancelled. But that's only after many of the FOX affiliates told Murdoch (the OTHER sociopath involved in this story) they would not air the interview. Ok, I admit when I'm wrong. Perhaps we are not as ridiculous as I think a lot of the time. There is still some sanity left around here.

16 November 2006

Picture of Me

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Quick Question


Why doesn't somebody smack the shit out of him?

What the Hell Is Wrong With Me? Part 2


I ordered sushi today for lunch, and for some goddamn reason, I can't eat it. I normally love sushi, but today it's all mental. Sometimes I just can't eat something if that crazy part of my mind starts thinking too much about what it is I'm actually eating. So of course today I'm thinking that I'm eating raw flesh. Except for the soft shell crab roll, which is fried in tempura (not a big fan) and rolled with those gross orange fish eggs. EGGS!! OH lord, why?!?! Why would I eat an unborn thing? Oh, Jesus, I have to stop. I'm grossing myself out. The food is sitting right next to me as I'm typing this and I'm about to chuck my innards out!! The crab is staring at me. Stop crab, stop looking at me!! No, I won't eat you!! (Yes, you will says hungry stomach.) The salmon is laughing at me....fucking salmon. Always mocking, never sensitive.

15 November 2006

My Other World, My Other Life


I had this WICKED dream this morning which I must relay. I only remember being in this gorgeous kind of Victorian townhouse, which was very old and no one lived in it. I was with some people to investigate some paranormal activity we had heard was going on there. In fact, I think we were seeking out the ghost of the former female occupant. So as we were going through these awesome rooms (they were painted like a dark sea-foam green with black lace curtains on the windows and some black trim on doorways) trying to locate any evidence of a spirit. I remember being freaked out when we first started out, but as we got through most of the house, I realised there was no ghost. So what did I do? I decided to give the rest of the team a good scare and started moving the sliding doors with my MIND, opening and closing them. I was shaking the chandeliers and flapping the shutters. All with the sheer power of my psychokinetic ability. It was so dope!! I scared the crap out of the team. Now I must wonder, what the hell does that dream mean? I know one thing for sure: I'm more pranksterish than I thought!!
Now, this also brings me to my other dreams I have (I tend to remember about 85% of my dreams). As I have gotten older, I have been able to do all sorts of amazing things in my dreams, all getting increasingly stronger as time goes on. For instance, since I was a kid, I have never been able to be hurt in my dreams. I have always flown, but now I can fly on command, just lifting up into the sky without having to take a running start as I used to years ago. I can fly away from any situation I don't like. I have this lucidity in dreams that is incredible, even to myself. One time I was being chased by a foe and I was tired of running away so I got just far enough ahead of him to be able to turn around and say, "I am invisible. You cannot see me!!" and I waved my hand in the air. Lo, he came near me and stopped, looked perplexed and wondered where I went. And now, my newest thing is be able to move objects with my mind. It's like being all powerful to be able to change a dream the way you want to change it!! However, sometimes I still have nightmares that I can't get out of. For instance, I had a nightmare the other day about being in a bank I think it was, and a crazed gunman with a machine gun starts firing on innocent people, screaming about whatever it was that was bothering him. But the strange thing was, he really wanted to get to the people that were behind the bulletproof glass and after firing and firing on the glass to no avail, he would then turn the gun on innocent people and shoot and kill them. I was standing very near him in the dream and he actually fired the gun at me, but I fell to the ground and pretended to play dead so he would not shoot at me anymore. After a few more rounds (of which the bullets pierced and bounced off the floor around my head), he turned away from me and fired on more innocent people. It was very bizarre and scary and I was disappointed I could not change the dream. But I didn't get hurt at all, and I wanted to help the other people but didn't know how. I woke up freaked out. Somehow I have to learn to change every nightmare into something better. Perhaps then, when I'm in a real life situation, I'll have the mental skills and fortitude to make it better.
I think I'm going to post more interesting dreams I have. Looking at them written down, they read like science fiction!! Maybe I can dream up a few good short stories...

14 November 2006

This Is How I Feel Today

The Return to Rock and Roll


So if you're like me and you're sick of the clowns posing as rock stars, then heed my words - rock is being reborn!! Two bands that I have come across recently that have made me believe in the thunderous gods of rock again are Wolfmother and The Raconteurs. Now, the Raconteurs has none other than Jack white from the White Stripes. I had no idea when he put the band together, and I hadn't heard anything about them (alas, I am out of the MTV demographic) until my boyfriend popped the CD into the car player and I was like, "Who is THIS?!" Thus one of the merciful gods of rock touched me right there on Atlantic Avenue. And of course a recovering pothead of my magnitude can't possibly remember how I came across Wolfmother. I think I had read about them and liked the name. And at the time I was starving for new music so I just hopped on iTunes and bought them. (Who buys CD's anymore...except my boyfriend...) It was like Led Zeppelin reincarnated - that soulful, very earthy rock sound and delicious lyrics that make you want to roll in mud for three days and trip on acid. So now I testify!! Rock is coming back!! Also, in case you were wondering what other gems of rock I tend to like, they are:

Interpol
The Bravery
Kasabian
Green Day (how could you NOT like these guys?)
Liz Phair
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs
The Killers (also bringing rock back)
Jane's Addiction (I know, I know a little old for this list, but AWESOME)
The Stone Roses (also old, but freakin' GOOD)

07 November 2006

We Don't Believe in Politics


This is taken from The Nation, written by Camila Domonoske, a Virginia HS student.

We don't believe in politics.

That's the biggest challenge facing American teenagers today--not war, poverty, debt, abortion or civil rights. It's the fact that we don't believe that the current political system can solve any of those problems. Most teenagers in America care deeply about the future of our country, but all the passion in the world will not help us unless we learn either to work within or to change the current power structure.

We are in many ways like every generation before us. We want jobs, security, a better world for our children someday, stability, justice and freedom. Our concerns mirror the concerns of the general population. However, unlike the older public, halfheartedly involved in democracy, we don't realize the purpose in any involvement at all--and this may destroy everything we wish for.

We don't trust our government. Citizens three times our age could agree that our current leaders hardly inspire faith, but they have long memories and have seen government work. Teenagers today can remember maybe a decade of politics, older youth maybe fifteen years, and most of what we remember are lies, scandals and war. At least Nixon was going to be impeached; we have seen little or no accountability, and few can blame us for our lack of faith.

We don't believe in the power of the ballot. Many of us still plan on voting, but we don't think it'll matter. I live in a red state. When I vote, it will be for the symbolic power of the action, not because I truly believe my voice will change anything. Other young people have simply given up on voting all together.

We aren't that partisan. There are powerful exceptions, and many students are passionately and absolutely supportive of a party. However, most of us either don't know what side we'd like to support or else have moderate and mixed perspectives. As the nation becomes politically more and more divided, and Republicans and Democrats more belligerently sectarian, teens grow less inclined to join fully a party they only partially support.

We don't count on protests to create justice. During the civil rights movement, vast protests represented the conscience of America and sparked change--or so history classes tell us. What great protests have today's teens seen? When hundreds of thousands march to protest war, America invades Iraq anyway. Massive marches for gay rights aim to create a change in social prejudices, and rejoice when the wording of an archaic law is changed. When we are told of vast, effective protests of the '60s, and then view the limited success of political demonstrations today, our disillusionment is hardly incomprehensible.

We don't expect journalists to solve anything. Despite popular opinion, studies show we do consume the media. It's just that nothing we see inspires us with confidence. Older generations saw Watergate; we saw mass media supporting the Administration's claim that Iraq had WMDs. We don't believe that a free press will create a just democracy, which might help explain why a third of us think the First Amendment goes too far.

We don't trust our current government, but we don't believe that our vote can change it. We don't full-heartedly support either political party, and so we are further alienated from today's factional political atmosphere. We don't believe that protests or the media can create change. In short, today's teens have given up on traditional ways to participate in politics.

What do we believe in? We believe in technology, that newer, cleaner machines will help save the environment. We believe in education, and that investing in college will help us find better-paying jobs--which we'll need because we sure don't place our trust in Social Security. We believe that, as we are less racist and sexist than our parents, so too our children will be less biased than we are. We believe the world will continue to get worse but that our lives will continue to get better. We believe, in an abstract way, in justice, peace and freedom, but we mostly fail to see our connection to those ideals. Teenagers today aren't "apathetic"--most of us just don't see the point of politics.

Every other issue facing our generation pales before this one, simply because so much depends on it. As a generation, we've given up on the ability of politics to create change. Our great challenge will be to either engage with the current political system, or to help transform it into one that we trust. Either way, something has to change; if teenagers can't figure out how to participate meaningfully in politics, we will have lost our voice, our impact and our power.

You said it all young lady. (SB)

06 November 2006

That's IT!!


Ok, so once again I have gone out and over done it with the red wine, sitting at my computer trying not to PTFO (pass the fuck out) on my keyboard. My head is swearing to god that it hates me, then starts crying, asking me why I treat it like this, then got angry and has been throbbing in insurgency. But I made a promise to my boyfriend - NO MORE DRINKING. Or at least out. We like to have wine together at home. I mean it this time I swear (somehow I feel like this has happened before...). I really, really mean it!! I have to somehow start holding myself to this promise. I have to threaten myself, I have to punish myself, I have to tie myself to the radiator the next time I think I'm going out!! Perhaps when I'm not looking, I'll pour hot pepper into my wine so when I take a sip, I'll spit it out and be traumatized...like a puppy who keep chewing on a shoe. Maybe I have to kick my own ass. Or maybe when I'm not looking I'll slip grape juice into the wine bottle and watch myself get fake drunk and laugh at myself for being so stupid!! HA ha ha ha!!!

What About Mexico?


I was just thinking the other day that we are over in Iraq trying to put democracy in place and get them on their feet in terms of setting up a new government and having elections and all that good stuff. But what about Mexico? Remember our neighbors to the south? The people that are the most closely related to the US with their doing our work and all, raising our children, picking our fruit, remodeling our houses and teaching us Spanish!! And Mexico is in just a bad a position as Iraq politically (or at least I think so), with a corrupt government, gangs running the streets, people fighting, stealing and killing. Why have we forsaken them? What no OIL?!?! Is that it? Part of our culture is the way it is thanks to Mexico. What the hell has Mexico ever done to anyone else?.... but fight us once....and lose. Why can't we go into Mexico and help stabalise their country? Why do we sit here and turn our backs on our wonderful neighbors? I can't even imagine what they must think about us going halfway across the world to spew the garbage that we are fighting terrorism when right next door it is happening on a daily basis, and we act so holy and say we're helping people. What we're helping is GWB and his minions to the middle eastern oil. And fucking GWB's BROTHER is married to a Mexican woman!! That asshole can't send someone down to Mexico to at least ACT like they're trying to help them? I bet if Canada started getting buck wild, the US government would do something about it. And why aren't we putting a fence up between us and Canada anyway? We only want to keep the BROWN people out? This is really a question we need to ask ourselves: "What the HELL are we doing?"

02 November 2006

Addendum


I just realised that I wrote that I would like for all people to try to love their fellow human brothers and sisters. And I mean that. I know I have been a little NOT PC about the politicians. Well, I meant all I said about them too!! Fuck them. If they are not genuinely good people, then we must weed out the "evildoers". (Back at ya W.) I have no sympathy nor compassion for greedy, corrupt liars. All good people need to put them on a spaceship and send them to another planet where they can fight each other all day long for whatever it is that would be valuable to them out there. Then the good, peaceable folks can live on earth and get along. Now, I'm not saying I have any answers as to exactly what the guidelines would be for the people who would be shipped off, nor do I think that anyone really could. I think the solution is to start raising each successive generation with love, caring and understanding. Make them feel warm and safe. Support them. Make them not want for basic necessities. Teach them greed is wrong and destructive. Give them access to all the information a thirsty mind could want. Show them that different people can actually live in harmony with one another. Start teaching the children to be the people that we keep SAYING we should be, but aren't actually trying to be. How could anyone look into the big, beautiful eyes of a child and fill their heads with lies and garbage? Or how can someone do anything to harm them? Children are the FUTURE man, and they can be raised right. We have to take the responsibility upon ourselves to make this happen, not just wish it to happen. Why can't people admit when they are wrong? Why do we cheat and lie? What the hell is wrong with us? What happened to Eden? We are so far removed from it, we have forgotten our peaceable ways of the past. The ancient cities of Mexico and South America had no walls!! No borders!! Somewhere along the way we have gotten destructive and hurtful. Selfish and immoral. INHUMANE. For the love of humanity, we HAVE to teach the children NOT to be like us. The only way we will survive as a people is to stop the violence against each other and just fucking accept each other for who we are!! Gay, straight, Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist or Atheist, we all still want love. No one wants to be alone. There are billions of people in the world - how can we all feel so alone?

I Wish This Was Me

I Need Some Peace!!


Good god damn. The days are getting darker earlier, it's getting colder outside, I feel like shit from the flu shot, my computer at work is completely possessed (and IT won't give me a new one, for the love of...), I'm broke and cranky... I feel like I never really get back to the fun loving young chick I used to be. It's like as time goes on, I just get crankier and crankier. I can't wait until I get old so I can just sit on the porch and yell out things all day, anything I want. I'll of course be drinking my wine, rocking back and forth in the sun - either on a porch, or perhaps my YACHT - and people will be like, "That crazy lady? Oh, that's just Lani. She's old. She has the right to say whatever she wants." And rightly so!! Or, why even wait until I'm old? Why wait to say that I HATE George bush and I hope he dies and goes to hell. I hope the guys from Enron go to sleep with a sweaty cock in their mouths every night in a tiny, dirty cell. The Matrix is REAL. Women should be allowed to breast feed in public. I don't give a flying fuck about any Hollywood actress' or actor's love life, drug problem, eating disorder or plastic surgery. Just exactly HOW does one get a gerbil stuck in their ass? And so on and so forth. What I really need is a boat. A yacht. How dope is that? Think about it: you buy a yacht instead of a house then you can move WHENEVER you want!! Just pick up anchor, literally, and go. Sure you have to scrape barnacles off the damn thing, but what home doesn't need maintenance? And I'd be all tan and glistening, wearing sarongs all day and whispy white blouses at night. And I could have my very own cabana boy, but on a boat!! I would never again have to buy an airline ticket, and I can have all the fucking hairgel and toothpaste I want for my trip. No more suitcases, no more sidewalks to shovel in the winter, no more neighbors blasting music in the apartment across the hall. Just the sun, sea, wind and port. And my sweet, ruddy faced, maleable, strapping young cabana boy. (Can I have the cabana boy now?)

01 November 2006

And In the Center Ring....


You know, I don't know what's making me sicker today - my flu shot or the freakin' media circus around anything political. Not for nothing, but I'm SICK of it. If I have to hear anymore mudslinging for the rest of my life between Democrats and Republicans I'm going to shoot myself!! Why not just disband both parties (and really have them all exiled) and start over. We need new blood. I feel like watching the news is just like watching a Jackass movie - same intellectual content. Except there are no midgets in office - why is that? Is it because it's like Dave Attell says, that no one believes a midget when he's trying to tell you something serious? All we do is say, "Awww!! Are you trying to tell me where the gold is hidden?" Anyway, if I had my way, all the current politicians running the country should be drawn and quartered, and we have video of it shown OVER and OVER to remind ourselves to not let the country end up in the state it's in right now. We suck. Yeah, I said it. Our politicians might as well wear rainbow Afro wigs with red noses, big gloves and big shoes. They should show up for a convention in a little car and then like 80 of them all come out of the same little car and scurry up to the convention hall. They should light their cigars at fundraisers and then the cigars blow up in their faces and they're all charred and bewildered, with their hair all fucked up and smokey. They should go on the campaign trails riding unicycles and instead of handing out little American flags, they hand out balloon animals. When they go to a charity dinner and ask for a drink, the waiter pulls out a seltzer bottle and sprays them in the face. And every time they look into the camera and speak their promises a giant fist comes out of the side and punches them off camera. Then the camera zooms in on them and they have frowny faces and a painted tear on their cheeks as they crawl around dazed on the floor.

31 October 2006

What the Hell Is Wrong With Me?


I ate a salad for lunch today that had these awesome little mozzarella cheese balls in it and they are so yummy and good. Except for the fact that EVERY TIME I eat fresh mozzarella, I head straight for the john!! I can't stop though. Mozzarella, especially fresh, is so tempting, so delicious, so fantabulous. Same with sweets. I spent thousands of dollars on my teeth a few years ago to get repaired from all the candy and sweets I eat, so that alone would make me stop, right? Not a chance. Not only does the sugar rot my teeth, but it also hurts my stomach in pretty large doses. And I do it to myslf all the time!! I swear, ice cream? I might as well unwrap a Haagen Daaz, take a nice big whiff and dump it straight into the toilet. 'Cause that's where it will be in exactly twenty minutes. Yes, I even know the exact time for my stomach to process it and then punish me for about an hour...and my stomach is MERCILESS!! However, I don't know which one is more evil: my brain for wanting to eat sweets knowing it will hurt me or my stomach which not only has to tell me that the sweets are no good, but has to kick my ass about it. Why oh WHY do I torture myself? One day my body is going to do something very bad to my brain and then my brain is going to fuck it all up. Bad brain!! You bad, bad brain!!

30 October 2006

Fuck ExxonMobil


I just got this clip today from ABCNews.com Read:

WASHINGTON, Oct. 27, 2006 — ExxonMobil should stop funding groups that have spread the idea that global warming is a myth and that try to influence policymakers to adopt that view, two senators said today in a letter to the oil company.
In their letter to ExxonMobil chairman and CEO Rex Tillerson, Sens. Olympia Snowe, R-Maine, and Jay Rockefeller, D-W.Va., appealed to Exxon's sense of corporate responsibility, asking the company to "come clean about its past denial activities."
The two senators called on ExxonMobil to "end any further financial assistance" to groups "whose public advocacy has contributed to the small but unfortunately effective climate change denial myth."
Phone calls to ExxonMobil were not immediately returned to ABC News.
An upcoming study from the Union of Concerned Scientists reported that ExxonMobil funded 29 climate change denial groups in 2004 alone. Since 1990, the report said, the company has spent more than $19 million funding groups that promote their views through publications and Web sites that are not peer reviewed by the scientific community.

Do you believe these assholes?!?! (B complex...fading....) I mean, do you REALLY believe that they are trying to propogate the idea that global warming is a MYTH? Have they NOT been to New Orleans? I guess the rising ocean levels are just a figment of our imaginations? The fucking AUDACITY of these greedy, dickless, old, Republican goat-fuckers!! Oh my GOD. I have a car, I am NOT filling up with their damn gas, and I hope to god no one that reads this does either. Please spread the word.

After the Halloween Party Friday


I went to the office Halloween party this past Friday and it was pretty cool. Lots of candy, open bar, no food... Yeah, I got blasted. Nothing embarrassing at the work party, but I had to go visit a friend who was performing that night at another bar so my boyfriend and I get there in costume. No one else was dressed up, and when we walked into the place, you could almost hear every head in the place turn, look at us two strangers, drunk and in costume, and squint their eyes in displeasure. But we didn't care. My boyfriend told me later that I knocked my sword over onto this guy who gave me a dirty look. But the best part is when we got home (I "time traveled" from the bar to my hallway at home), we were in the hallway at like three or four in the morning, laughing and stumbling and I'm beating the crap out of him with my sword!! My neighbors probably heard laughing, slaps and "OWWWWWWW!!" for like twenty minutes in the hallway. All our stuff was spread out on the floor and I'm pulling a ninja attack and we are cracking up the whole time. I think my neighbors think we're crazy. All we do is laugh really loud or fight really loud (probably even hear us get down every now and then). I think we're the crazy neighbors that they tell their kids to stay away from. I feel bad. Oh wait, no I don't. I HAVE a life.....

I've Taken My B Complex, and All Is Good


So I had a bunch of calls to make at work today - was busier than I had been in the past two weeks or so. AND I'm much calmer than I was last week. The shock of the car break-in is over and the landlord got the refrigerator fixed. Not only that, but I took this monster B-100 vitamin last night, saw the Movie Hairspray on AMC (one of my favortie movies ever), and went to a nice high-end salon in Williamsburg here in Brooklyn and got myself some French lotion, shampoo and face moisturizer. That helps to calm stress too. Ok, so I'm getting a little girly right now, so what? Oh yeah, plus my boss is out today. Great right? Not really. She's a nice boss, cool actually. A lot better than a lot of other bosses I've had in the past. God, there were some that I psychically willed to double over in pain. I had one boss once that used to listen in on my phone calls (especially with guys) and would wait for me outside of the bathroom when I went. He was atrociuos. I ended up quitting on the spot one day and throwing the towel in his face...literally. It was when I worked in a bar years ago and I had a towel tucked into the side of my pants which I threw into his face as I told him I quit!! I had another boss who was hyper and weird and really greasy and the really weird thing was that his business partners used to totally cut him up behind his back all day long. It was unnerving and a little bizarre. They used to rip on him so bad that I felt sorry for him, even though he really was as bad as they said he was. And I hated his feet. Ugh!! You ever know someone that could wear any kind of shoes but you could still see their arches and bunyons through the shoes? I couldn't take it. I've also had about three bosses I've slept with. I tell you, it's NEVER a good idea to sleep with your boss (unless they're hot of course, then it's a slightly better idea). However, I'm too old and too taken to be worrying about that anymore. God it sucks getting old sometimes....

27 October 2006

A Moment of Serenity

Thank God It's Friday...Sort Of


I feel so weird. I have two posts up now in the same week that express disparaging anger that I otherwise haven't experienced in a long time. I guess when it rains it pours. But at least I get to dress in costume tonight and get drunk at the open bar at the office Halloween party. And I just got the sword I needed for my costume tonight. It's kind of a dope reproduction of a Tibetan type of sword. It's pretty light so I can play around with it. I can pretend to run it through the carcass of the car thief or behead the landlord. Maybe I'll hang some pictures of key political Congress members and chop them up!! The pictures I mean, really. Anyway, I'm going to be completely broke, being that I have to fix the window the car thief broke, and then pay some bills and stuff. God, when will a paycheck ever be MINE?!?! How's that for "Freedom" America? Free to keep your whole paycheck, just for you!! How about NOT having the premium for my car insurance go up because some motherfucker broke into MY car. I have been giving Geico my money for years now and they can't pay for a fucking WINDOW?!?! So what's the point of the insurance? Someone please explain it to me because I'm obviously taking crazy pills. It seems to me that insurance is the biggest scam going and the government has made it ILLEGAL to drive on the road without insurance. FUCK YOU government people in the pockets of these rich, corrupt asshole giant mega-companies!! (God I'm cranky this week...but it needs to be said.) I mean, am I the only person that sees the parallel between our country today and Atlantis (rich, powerful country that eventually collapsed under the weight of it's own greed), ancient Egypt (ditto), ancient Greece (ditto), ancient Rome (triple ditto), ancient China (ditto) and I think ancient India, but I'd have to look that up. So of course nobody learns from the past, nor do they even probably care to even if they do acknowledge the past!! And that's really the legacy that mankind leaves for the future human beings - GREED. It's ingrained in our genes and we can't fight it. God damnit. When are people going to start saying NO to the evil that the empty promises of money entices with? When are people going to just say no to the ridiculous rules these companies tell us are the only choices we have? Oh my god, and why do we have to put up with the only political candidates that are put forth to us? Why should I have to choose between the lesser of two evils? Why can't I chose to have some OTHER guy put on the ballot? If the only two guys running are both evil then FUCK THEM, let's go out and find someone else. What is so fucking hard about that? We live in a democracy damnit and if the early Revolutionary Americans could kick the shit out of the encroaching British, why can't we, the common people rise up again and kick the shit out of corrupt cocksuckers that lie and tell us we have no other choice? BULLSHIT - this is America damnit!! I have all the choices I want!!

To the Godless Asshole That Broke Into My Car

Ok, you cock-sucking thunderprick, are you happy now? Good... I hope your balls fall off.

26 October 2006

Hooker-ween


Can someone please tell me why Halloween has become the holiday that women have embraced as the one day of the year that they can dress like whores? It used to be so fun: you could be a superhero, a historical figure, and fictional character or animal. Or for those that I tip my hat to, they dress as metaphors, ideas or make something that is just so wonderfully creative, you stop them on the street and have to take a picture. But that ilk is dying. In fact it is a mass extinction. While men will still be somewhat creative or at the very (very) least, dress as a favorite athlete, women just dress like flaming streetwalkers. Now in that realm, some women get very creative in their lusty dress; in fact, I've seen some outfits where I almost let the meow out loud!! But c'mon ladies, let's show the men that we are more than just sexual objects. Why set back the sexual revolution by millenia? What are you accomplishing by bearing all your T&A? That's to be left for intimate moments. You are not titilating men by dressing like a harlot - you are not leaving ANYTHING left to be desired. You're thorwing it all out there and that's not sexy, that's not mysterious. What will you leave men to think about when they go home at night? Use the OTHER part of your brain that you use every single day to survive in this man's world. Don't play up to the sexual stereotypes. Don't give them any more reason to think they are the better sex. Don't give them any more reason to degrade us. Don't cheapen yourselves!! Because if your market yourself as a sexual object, at the end of the day, what do you have? A sore cootch and no SELF worth. We women are so much more than that. The wonderful things we could be are infinite if we set our minds to brilliance instead of booty.

The Future Behind Us


The time of the humanoid robot is here. Japan seems bent on producing robots that are dexterous and smart, then outdoing themselves and making them even better. This is an age where I look to the future with uncertainty and fear. Oh yes, I am just that paranoid chick that feels that the Terminator story is not just blow 'em up entertainment (and a real good excuse to show Arnold naked when we first glance him in the series - hellllOOOO). It is a true example of a science fiction story which foretells the bleaker side of rapidly advancing technology. Consider this: we are creating "artificial" intelligent beings at a pace that is totally unregulated and for what purpose? To finally deem ourselves gods? To show off to ourselves how smart we really are? We are potentially creating a race that could easliy wipe out our own and take over the earth. Some would argue that we deserve it. Others would argue that perhaps, sometime in the distant mists of the past, WE were "artificial" intelligence that were created by some forgotten race and we took over the earth. To that end, there are many myths around the globe that state just that premise. When we look so lovingly in the glowing eyes of our creations are we gazing into our own demise? I say yes!! Because as human beings, we cannot stop at just making fun little toys that can do calculations and cartwheels, all the while happy to bring drinks or slippers to us on the couch. We HAVE to take it to the ultimate level, ever working to prove how wonderful and omnipotent we are, forever trying to liken ourselves to God. Giving them our likeness, giving them super intelligence with (gasp!!) the capability to LEARN. We shall make them autonomous, with personalities. With personalities come social tags - good, or bad. Now, as we are struggling with trying to perfect ourselves, he were are making a world where we co-exist with beings that are the physical embodiment of our unrealised self-perfection. We are a race of beings that will NEVER be happy with ourselves, so we must artificially create something that is exactly what we want to be, thereby satisfying that urge within us to create perfection. Then the really crazy part, the whole Catch-22 is that the robots, made in our own likeness will be so perfect that they will realise our own imperfection and seek to eradicate us. Of course!! What perfect being would want imperfection in its mere presence? We are slowly committing suicide, by missionary robot... Sounds kind of like the right-wing Christian movement. Either one scares the shit out of me really...

25 October 2006

My Brain is Staging a Revolt Against Me


Why do I always overdo it when it comes to drinking? "Drinking moderately". What a joke!! In a nation of people who learn to get wasted at college, moderate is never going to happen. And why oh WHY do I always forget to get those freakin' hangover preventer pills before I go drink? Why don't I even eat before I drink? I'm killing the last of my brain cells!! I swear I am. I can't remember shit when it comes to my short-term memory. Everything gets immediately committed to my long-term memory. So I can tell you in a couple of years what you just told me today. See you then!!

Commentary on the Landlord Poem

OK, I'm really a lover not a fighter and how my landlord acts has spawned such murderous rage inside me. My god, landlords in New York seem to think that they are above the law, that we are just objects that pay them money every month and we should be so thankful that we were allowed to live in their properties. BULLSHIT. I'm not trying to hate on all landlords nor am I trying to hate on someone trying to make money. I'm just pissed off at the ones that think they don't have to put much or any money into upkeeping the property. Hello landlords: it's a fucking INVESTMENT!! You have to spend money to make the property profitable. It's these little pissant real estate companies and landlords that piss me off. God, if you DON'T have the money to upkeep the property then DON'T rent it out. And the really sad thing is that the landlord/tenant court system is so corrupt in New York City, mostly siding with the landlords. That's just a reflection of how this whole country is: those with money get away with murder while those without money are the little pussy assholes that do the dirty work for the rich in hopes of getting a dollar here or there. Fuck that!! In fact, anybody who is some rich guys bitch needs to have their asses severely kicked. Hey, that rhymes. That would make a great T-shirt, don't you think?

Ode to My Landlord's Bloody, Bloody Murder


Oh how I wish to have the landlord strung up
by meat hooks in his/her back
and start to slowly torture him/her
as slowly as they have been torturing me
from October 1st to the following October 1st
increasing his/her pain by 2%
like my rent went up when I renewed the lease
I'd like to shove red hot pokers right up
his/her ass and stick it to him/her
like he/she has stuck it to me
Die landlord, die!!

Remember Kids.....


I've realised that I haven't written the funniest story ever in here yet!! Get this - my boyfriend is Mexican and he thinks that he can take eating jabanero peppers (like a Mexican who's actually grown up in Mexico) and buys this package of fresh jabaneros. I warn him profusely they are very hot, but being the man that he is, looks at me and says, "I'm a MexiCAN, not a MexiCAN'T!!" Okay. So this mofo cuts up a pepper and put it DIRECTLY on a sandwich he's made. (I know you can already see where this is going.) He bites into the sandwich and I can literally see his face go from white to firengine red. He lets out a scream and starts running around the house fanning his tongue, then grabs some water, downs it, it doesn't work, so then he grabs some ice and starts shoving it in his mouth. At this point, I hear him screaming through my laughter from the bathroom, "Go online and find out what to do to stop the burning!!" I told him that he has to drink milk. He runs back into the kitchen and kills the milk. After about a minute, he's finally calmed down. So I'm DYING laughing, and he's a little embarrassed and we're kind of both laughing about it. So of course, AGAIN, being the man that he is, he sticks his hand in his pants to adjust his balls. Now, he didn't realise that as he was cutting up the peppers, the juice had gotten on his fingers. So as I'm winding down laughing, he has this look on his face. It's this look like something very serious has occured to him, or like that deer-in-the-headlights kind of look. He screams even LOUDER, as his balls are on FIRE!! He tears around the apartment, screaming, I'm literally on my hands and knees crying laughing. He strips off all his clothes and jumps in the shower, trying to scrub the pepper juice off of him. I can't relate all the expletives that were coming out of the shower. Then he hops out saying that it's not working then grabs a cup of ice, puts it into a mug of water and he's squatted over the toilet bowl soaking his nuts in ice water. After I compose myself (my stomach HURTS from laughing so hard), I finally pull out my aloe vera and rub it on him. So remember kids: don't juggle your balls after cutting up jabanero peppers.

Guys' Answer to Chick-Flicks


I have noticed lately that there are guy-flicks springing up: sappy movies for guys. Not real tear jerkers like chick-flicks, but sappy enough for the guys' sensitive side. (However, I beg to differ about which kind of chick-flicks actually jerk tears, as I am not that girly.) But anyway, movies like Click, Bruce Almighty and even The Bourne Identity all appeal to the somewhat romantic side of guys - Bourne appealing more to the romance of kicking ass, but romantic nevertheless (he ends up with his girl at the end, on the run - sigh). A shift in the gender emotional climate or desperate yet still pathetically effective Holllywood marketing? Can anyone say "Metrosexual"? (I gotta go puke now.) But don't get me wrong, I'm not against men being a little sappy, but I am against pussy wimpy guys, and it seems that my sisters are changing men into something I'd not rather deal with: whiny guys who also wear nail polish. For god's sakes, Chick Liddel sported a pedicure on the reality show!! CHUCK LIDDEL!! I can't live in a world with romantic guys films and manicured man-hands; I just CAN'T do it.

The Infinite Cosmos of the Mind


I was watching a show on the Science Channel today about the genius of Galileo, Newton, Einstein and Hawking. Pretty interesting stuff - it got me thinking. Boy do I wish I were that smart!! I would totally LOVE to be a cosmologist and be remembered for breakthrough principals in physics. I'd like to continue on the work of Einstein and/or Hawking, or even disprove it and come up with some other totally new concept in quantum physics. I wish I were that smart...

The World is Going Crazy


So what's up with my girl (who shall remain nameless) now, who's been married for ten years, starting to talk about not being married?! She got married in her early, early twenties, perhaps that has something to do with it. It kind of sucks that she's now regretting (?) her marriage. I think that she's probably a little antsy, curious if you will, about what she's still got and who she can still get it with!! I have always been averse to getting married young - it's almost always a parent's idea to marry in your early twenties. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in true love. There are people who have met young and got together young who stay together for a long, long time, if not their whole lives. But GOD!! Think of all the ASS you miss out on when you're tied down. God, I look back and I was HOT when I was in my early twenties (and still smokin' now, you better ask somebody) and I got SO MUCH BOOTY!!! (I do live in New York City - there's much booty to be had.) OH lord, just reminiscing right now... Oh yeah, I was talking about marriage (gotta stay focused, not think of the gorgeous hunks of man-flesh I've had). Anyway, I would never tell my future kids, or pressure my future kids into an early marriage. I want them to have all the lovers they want. Hell, if they NEVER get married, that's fine with me. If I never get married, I'm cool with that, especially considering that I never thought I ever would!! I had the perfect plan in high school: I'd graduate, travel the world and write, and have lovers in every country I visited. Man, youthful dreams... I am writing, traveling not as much as I'd like, and not really setting up international booty calls. I'm nowhere near that dream!! But I can pass it on to the next generation. God if everyone had my dream, the world wouldn't be in the fucking MESS it's in right now. We all need to smoke some pot and get down.... (Is it hot in here?)

What an Idiot!!


This is so hilarious, I had to put it here... This is from a website I found called dumbassdaily.com:

Pot-Smoking Student Jumps Out Window to Avoid Police Maybe those videos from the 1970s were right...

Everyone knows that it's fun to mess with your friends when they are smoking the wacky grass in the dorms. I mean, who hasn't pretended to be the police, right? Okay, at least one other person has. At Arizona State a student fell two stories after attempting to escape from his friends pretending to be police officers. What did the they have to hide? Well..smokin' a joint for one. When one of the students roommates knocked on the door pretending to be a police officer, the only logical thing to do is jump out of the window right? Ooo...except that he didn't have a clear shot at the ground and hit a covered entryway and then hit the ground. Don't worry though, he's OK!?!

Wine


What ever happened to the good old-fashioned wino? I mean, nowadays everyone (with a vice) seems to be a "head"--like a crack head or a meth head or anything like that. What about us winos? I like wine (red preferably) and I drink it a lot. Even in New York City's posh cocktail circle, those of us who like to drink are called alcoholics or lushes. Man!! And that's usually associated with the hard liquor drinkers. Maybe wine is in such an echelon that even to drink as much as one wants, there is still the air of snootiness. I even get weird looks with my wine glass in a bar and everyone else is throwing down shots and beers... And don't get me started on the different "kind" of drunks there are. Like the beer drunk: wet and sloppy, you slur and fight. Vodka drunk: Well, we all know about that. Ask your vodka drinking friends in jail or even do them a favor and cockblock that nasty hookup they seem to land at the end of the night. Whiskey drunk: Fight. And then puke. Rum drunk: Dance and make out. Tequila drunk: Now this is a little tricky. If you drink Cuervo, you are guaranteed your own version of that story that starts out, "I CAN'T drink tequila anymore because..." But if you drink a GOOD tequila, you dance and make out, like rum. Gin drunk: Crazy and destructive. Wine drunk: Merry, playful, tell good stories and then you fall asleep. What more could you ask for?