If You Try to Tell Me There's No Global Warming...

...then I'm likely to believe that you are a retard. Or an oil lobbyist. Actually they're the same thing. So why in hell, here in New York City, do we have a 73 degree day? 73 degrees in January is just mind-blowing to me, especially since I can remember huge blizzards we've had in the past. I'm going to be dating myself here, but I remember the blizzard of 1980 in which the snow drifts were above my head (I was a kid). I remember one year trying to help my father dig the car out of the snow and literally almost feeling my bones freeze beneath the skin on my feet. I remember Halloween being kind of hard to do because it used to be so cold. Thanksgiving? Fugeddabouit. Christmas used to ACTUALLY be white. If you had told me years ago that I'd be missing the snow in the future, I would have beaned you with a snowball. And speaking of snowballs, I must say that the one thing about snow in New York City is that it wouldn't stay snow for very long. The snow that wasn't dirtied by the many car and bus tires was morphed into ice, thus "snowball" fights here was a fight for your life. You had to be like Neo in the Matrix dodging bullets. I've seen kids with their heads busted open by bricks of ice. Oh, and one year a friend of mine and I were sledding in Fort Greene Park in Brooklyn and the thing about that park is that the land is above street level, especially with all the snow we used to get. So when he was flying down this hill, speeding toward the street, he like did this movie car stunt thing in which he launched into the air and hung there for what seems like an hour and then came down in the middle of the street and stopped. Needless to say all the adults on the hill lost their minds and ran for him to get him out of the way of any oncoming cars. But it was fun!! The kids were cracking up. I miss those days. And even though it sucked back then freezing your toukus off, it was still cool to have something to show for the winter season (besides a speed knot on the head from a "snowball").