I Just Need To Close My Eyes For a Second

I have realised the value of a nap the older I get. Right now it's almost five in the afternoon and I can think of nothing but sleep. I have tried drinking coffee, eating sugary candy, a piece of chocolate cake - to no avail!! I just want to crawl under my desk like George Kostanza and sleep. Then I'd wake up and be three times as productive, instead of going home and passing out at 6 only to wake up at 11 and stay up for a few hours and then ruin my life for the next work day. And being that it's fall slash winter, FORGET about my even being able to get up before the last humanly possible second before it's official that I will arrive late to work. It's like I really AM a bear - I want to stay in my house wrapped up in a fur comforter, with wool socks, fleece pj's and even a fleece sleeping cap, be all wrapped up in my bed and barely watch the sun rise and set as I sleep my way back into spring. What is it about getting older that you want to sleep more? Is it a signal that your body is just damn tired and it's like "Fuck it, I'm going to bed."? Or is it with age you are slowly but surely shutting down, more and more frequently until the final dirt nap? Whatever the case may be, I LIKE to sleep and life keeps getting in the way!!

Oh How I Long For the Old Days....

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them"
John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"One has a stronger hand when there's more people playing your same cards"
George W. Bush

Back From Outer Space

Oh so here I am, back from engorging myself this weekend, stuffed with turkey and disdain. Police Commissioner Kelly should be fired. He's a nazi, plain and simple. The three police officers that shot and killed the young man who was at his bachelor party and ran into their police cruiser should be tried for murder. I can't even believe they are on paid leave. Every drug company lobbyist shousld be strung up by their balls, fired from their jobs, lose their pensions, stripped of all assets, then try to get some medicine through Medicaid/Medicare. Perhaps then they may see the folly of their ways. Our troops need to make a stop over in Russia and find the fuckers who poisoned the formenr spy Alexander Litvenenko (who just died) and also who murdered the outspoken reporter Anna Politkovskaya this year. Those two are victims of terrorism too.

I found it hard to be thankful for much this year, the problems of the world weighing heavy on my mind. I can't turn a blind eye to these things, thankful for such shallow effects as electronics or clothes or a shopping spree. I wish the people of this rich country would put as much effort into helping others as they do coveting usless material items. How sad the sheep run into the store to buy a stupid PS3, while children in our OWN country ar being abused to death. Look how they smile for the camera in packed malls when people are dying of AIDS in Africa at an alarming rate. They stare at themselves in mirrors while the earth heats up, warmer and warmer...

The saddest thing I find is that people, especially children, are TAUGHT not to care about others. It is blatantly apparent in movies, television shows and commercials. "Get your own" is the most popular buzz phrase in advertising right now. I don't find it comical that kids even keep the rabbit from getting some Trix. That's what they see in the middle of their cartoons - keep someone else out of your group, out of your realm. Have someting that someone else covets.

Movies and magazines are always about rich folks that have all these nice shiny belongings and we are supposed to drool all over their possessions and dream about how we will get them. I find it all to be a distraction. A conspiracy to distract us from what's really going on - the fact that we are kept in the dark about pretty much everything but we are too mired in materialism and self-loathing to notice. Ironically, people don't like to be told what to do, but they are told on a constant basis how to live their lives by faceless organizations whose very purpose, whose very existence is to keep the wool pulled over our eyes. The conspiracy is real.

Words from your loveable conspiracy theorist. Happy Thanksgiving.

Michael Richards

So I am sure you have heard by now the racist tirade Michael Richards went on in his stand up act in Laugh Factory out in Hollywood. And it pains me to have to turn around a let a once beloved actor out of my heart, especially on the level that he took it to. It's even harder to listen to other people try to defend his actions, mistakenly associating him with his character on Seinfeld with the real man. I am even arguing with my boyfriend who says that he said those words to try to get at the hecklers. Really? Anyone who knows stand up comedy in the least knows that hecklers are a part of the package. That's comedy 101. How the person handles the hecklers is what makes or breaks him. And obviously Michael Richards let it break him. Not only did he handle his hecklers in such a disgusting manner, he let them heckle him into damning his future for doing ANYTHING else. That's a damn good heckler if you ask me. And even the media tries to downplay it by saying that he flew into a rage. Really? Just like drinking can turn you into an anti-Semite, right Mel? There was a woman here at work today that said these words that summed it up perfectly: What's in the well comes up with the bucket. And that is dead on. If you have actually seen the footage, you'd see that his answer to black hecklers is to hang them from a tree (i.e. lynch them) and stick a fork in their asses. What about his fellow Jewish hecklers? Should they be put in gas chambers? Or how about Chinese hecklers? Set on fire? Eastern Europeans impaled? Western Europeans tortured and left to die in towers? C'mon Michael, that is a bit excessive for a heckler isn't it? It really hurts me that the media is trying to play it down, like there is a viable excuse for one to spew racial epithets at anyone. On the flip side, I am very impressed with the way the man in the audience handled the situation. Yes, he cussed and yelled back, just as anyone in anger would, but he walked out and let Michael know it "was uncalled for". And I think the rest of the audience agreed. Michael could have sworn up and down at the guy for talking during his routine, but going straight for the racial angle is just pathetic nowadays, or at least in my opinion. For someone who is supposed to be quick witted and funny, or at least have a repertoire of comebacks, he went for the easiest way to get back at his heckler, rather than being more creative and insulting him in some other way. Goes to show how funny he really is. Which is not at all.

PS....

I've actually now had to double up on my B complex, to keep from FREAKING OUT over the bullshit... Anybody got any Xanex, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Morphine patch....

What the Hell is Wrong with Everyone Else?!?!

Did you hear that the FDA has now approved silicone breast implants? Are they fucking CRAZY? Do they NOT remember what happened when the silicone bags leaked on women in the past? Hello, Jenny Jones, get back on TV and start preachin'. Has it really come down to this? Women are now willing to toxify themselves so some idiot scumbag can ogle her breasts? All the while watching the interview of OJ I'm-a-bigger-jackass-than-Dick-Cheney Simpson, promoting his new book called "If I Did It", or some shit like that. IF, OJ? You should really call it "When I Did It". What does the Brown family have to say? Or have they lost their voices, gone hoarse from all the talking before? What the FUCK has happened to this country? I am almost (and I mean ALMOST) seeing why the conservative Christian movement has a leg to stand on. Goddamn. If only they would let gays live their lives and be pro-choice, I'd actually consider their argument. And then I heard the news today that some dude cracked his head OPEN during a bum rush to get the new PS3, which has so far gotten crappy reviews!! Far be it from me to say that the man deserved to bleed all over the place and get stitches in his head, but in some cosmic way, he almost deserved it. I can't believe that people are willing to camp out for days to get a game system instead of using that time to do something useful or productive. OUR KIDS CAN'T READ and we are a nation of lazy, silicone pumped, shallow, false idolatry worshipping fools. FOOLS!! I'm not religious at all but this same kind of shit was going on when the big flood came.....

Update - I just read on the web both OJ's book and interview are cancelled. But that's only after many of the FOX affiliates told Murdoch (the OTHER sociopath involved in this story) they would not air the interview. Ok, I admit when I'm wrong. Perhaps we are not as ridiculous as I think a lot of the time. There is still some sanity left around here.

Picture of Me

Quick Question

Why doesn't somebody smack the shit out of him?

What the Hell Is Wrong With Me? Part 2

I ordered sushi today for lunch, and for some goddamn reason, I can't eat it. I normally love sushi, but today it's all mental. Sometimes I just can't eat something if that crazy part of my mind starts thinking too much about what it is I'm actually eating. So of course today I'm thinking that I'm eating raw flesh. Except for the soft shell crab roll, which is fried in tempura (not a big fan) and rolled with those gross orange fish eggs. EGGS!! OH lord, why?!?! Why would I eat an unborn thing? Oh, Jesus, I have to stop. I'm grossing myself out. The food is sitting right next to me as I'm typing this and I'm about to chuck my innards out!! The crab is staring at me. Stop crab, stop looking at me!! No, I won't eat you!! (Yes, you will says hungry stomach.) The salmon is laughing at me....fucking salmon. Always mocking, never sensitive.

My Other World, My Other Life

I had this WICKED dream this morning which I must relay. I only remember being in this gorgeous kind of Victorian townhouse, which was very old and no one lived in it. I was with some people to investigate some paranormal activity we had heard was going on there. In fact, I think we were seeking out the ghost of the former female occupant. So as we were going through these awesome rooms (they were painted like a dark sea-foam green with black lace curtains on the windows and some black trim on doorways) trying to locate any evidence of a spirit. I remember being freaked out when we first started out, but as we got through most of the house, I realised there was no ghost. So what did I do? I decided to give the rest of the team a good scare and started moving the sliding doors with my MIND, opening and closing them. I was shaking the chandeliers and flapping the shutters. All with the sheer power of my psychokinetic ability. It was so dope!! I scared the crap out of the team. Now I must wonder, what the hell does that dream mean? I know one thing for sure: I'm more pranksterish than I thought!!
Now, this also brings me to my other dreams I have (I tend to remember about 85% of my dreams). As I have gotten older, I have been able to do all sorts of amazing things in my dreams, all getting increasingly stronger as time goes on. For instance, since I was a kid, I have never been able to be hurt in my dreams. I have always flown, but now I can fly on command, just lifting up into the sky without having to take a running start as I used to years ago. I can fly away from any situation I don't like. I have this lucidity in dreams that is incredible, even to myself. One time I was being chased by a foe and I was tired of running away so I got just far enough ahead of him to be able to turn around and say, "I am invisible. You cannot see me!!" and I waved my hand in the air. Lo, he came near me and stopped, looked perplexed and wondered where I went. And now, my newest thing is be able to move objects with my mind. It's like being all powerful to be able to change a dream the way you want to change it!! However, sometimes I still have nightmares that I can't get out of. For instance, I had a nightmare the other day about being in a bank I think it was, and a crazed gunman with a machine gun starts firing on innocent people, screaming about whatever it was that was bothering him. But the strange thing was, he really wanted to get to the people that were behind the bulletproof glass and after firing and firing on the glass to no avail, he would then turn the gun on innocent people and shoot and kill them. I was standing very near him in the dream and he actually fired the gun at me, but I fell to the ground and pretended to play dead so he would not shoot at me anymore. After a few more rounds (of which the bullets pierced and bounced off the floor around my head), he turned away from me and fired on more innocent people. It was very bizarre and scary and I was disappointed I could not change the dream. But I didn't get hurt at all, and I wanted to help the other people but didn't know how. I woke up freaked out. Somehow I have to learn to change every nightmare into something better. Perhaps then, when I'm in a real life situation, I'll have the mental skills and fortitude to make it better.
I think I'm going to post more interesting dreams I have. Looking at them written down, they read like science fiction!! Maybe I can dream up a few good short stories...